About Me
- Name: amanda jane
- Location: Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania, United States
I love the outdoors and nature, friends drinking and singing around a camp fire, nothing like it. I like to make music and listen to music, i sing and play guitar, I love kids and acting like a kid. Life is tough, sometimes we just have to make it fun.
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A view of life through the eyes of a person who is slowly losing their mind.
Monday, January 31, 2005
Academy of Music; Broad and Locust St. Phila. PA
Friday night, five people, two of which drank entirely too much. I will spare the two of any embarrassing detail. But if you'd like to see how one of which enjoyed their ride home please click www.picturethisplease.blogspot.com. Warning not for the weak of stomach.
The music was incredible and the hall itself was out of hand. I'd go again, even with two drunk somethingorothers.
Other than that the weekend was a bust, had a lot of pain so I did a lot of sleeping. I will head out tonight if it kills me. I'm battling within my head over friends and lovers and friends who lie and things that don't make sense and wont no matter how hard I try.
I had a dream that I died, actually I had two separate dreams but one of which I remember and the other, just the memory of waking and trying to remember. My spirit was actually lifting out of my body as I headed for what looked like a bright hole in the ceiling, the closer I drifted the bigger the whole got and I looked down at a young man, blonde hair, (no one in particular that I can recall), and he looked up at me with tears streaming down his face and said that he loved me. I said the same as I smiled and floated up into the hole which indeed was filled with light.
When I think about dying I get scared, so I don't think about it. I'm not afraid of where I'm going or how so much as I am as to what I will FEEL like inside. I think this dream has dissipated those fears. It was peaceful and to my suprise I woke up back into this real world of mine.
Saturday I got too high for myself and did the Fake Plastic Trees repeat thing. I wrote a letter that I've tried to write too many times before. This time I think I said it all right, for this is the first time that I didn't lie to myself or to the addressee. I need to share it, some times I hold things in for too long for fear of losing frienships that are fragile in every way. Anymore, the only way I can see fit to actually feel like I'm feeling agian, in the moment and in this container that is my body is to express it all, get it all out and go from there. Not many can understand, I don't wish anyone to actually. I don't need confirmation that I am in more ways than one unsure of what my purpose is to others. I'll try. I'll breathe. I'll beg, plead, and borrow explinations. Maybe expecting more from myself is the only motivation I need to get more from me.
The music was incredible and the hall itself was out of hand. I'd go again, even with two drunk somethingorothers.
Other than that the weekend was a bust, had a lot of pain so I did a lot of sleeping. I will head out tonight if it kills me. I'm battling within my head over friends and lovers and friends who lie and things that don't make sense and wont no matter how hard I try.
I had a dream that I died, actually I had two separate dreams but one of which I remember and the other, just the memory of waking and trying to remember. My spirit was actually lifting out of my body as I headed for what looked like a bright hole in the ceiling, the closer I drifted the bigger the whole got and I looked down at a young man, blonde hair, (no one in particular that I can recall), and he looked up at me with tears streaming down his face and said that he loved me. I said the same as I smiled and floated up into the hole which indeed was filled with light.
When I think about dying I get scared, so I don't think about it. I'm not afraid of where I'm going or how so much as I am as to what I will FEEL like inside. I think this dream has dissipated those fears. It was peaceful and to my suprise I woke up back into this real world of mine.
Saturday I got too high for myself and did the Fake Plastic Trees repeat thing. I wrote a letter that I've tried to write too many times before. This time I think I said it all right, for this is the first time that I didn't lie to myself or to the addressee. I need to share it, some times I hold things in for too long for fear of losing frienships that are fragile in every way. Anymore, the only way I can see fit to actually feel like I'm feeling agian, in the moment and in this container that is my body is to express it all, get it all out and go from there. Not many can understand, I don't wish anyone to actually. I don't need confirmation that I am in more ways than one unsure of what my purpose is to others. I'll try. I'll breathe. I'll beg, plead, and borrow explinations. Maybe expecting more from myself is the only motivation I need to get more from me.
