We're all human

there are things that weigh me down without anyones knowledge. That is what we do. We keep things from people that we don't think they will understand and we share all the mundane crap. My friends marriage is falling apart and I feel for them both. I have no advice to lend but a shoulder instead. It's all I can offer.

I am going to go crazy today. I have a headach and a belly ach, but I will do my best to turn this frown upsidedown.

Planet Mars is like a street light atop the highest mountain. Have you seen it? Go outside anytime after dark and you can see its reddish glow in all it's wonder and it's unmistakable. It had my full attention all night and I expect it to until it disappears from our range of view. As humans we should all take a minute to look up and appreciate it. This is the first time I have seen it.

You can feel fall creeping in right after ten p.m. and well through the morning hours. It will just keep changing from here and frankly, I am ready for the next season.

I did whatever I wanted to do this weekend. I am content and tired and scratching my head over what to do next. I suspect that doing just as I did this weekend will only make my stories of my mid twenties sound just as crazy as they began. Here I am. I hate not knowing where tomorrow will lead me, but I also hate making plans for what to do tomorrow. I feel like a fall leaf that just won't decompose. So I drift around in the breeze, some times the weight of the rain pins me to the ground for a while. Then the sun comes out and the wind pics up and I am at it again.

The Allman Brothers rocked my soul and the top of the mountain the following night sent me into a warp world. Again, here I am.

Aunt Ruthie is home and doing just fine, I can't express the joy I feel. Praise the Lord.

Oh Mr. Girmen, I am so sorry. I hate when you think you'll be friends when all is said and done and all you can think about is how not to run into them again. Again, here I am, and off I go.

I'm Going to see the ALLMAN BROTHERS BAND TONIGHT!!

Another one bit the dust, what to do, what to do. How about I'm done. I c ain't open up and it impairs my ability to be relationship material. Time to spend a two month span being myself again. Play my guitar with people again, write again, remember again. It's all Mr. Toad's fault. He's easy to blame. Cause you can't see him, he's hiding, so I hope he don't mind much.

The circle needs to get bigger so it takes longer to get around. What's your thoughts on this repetition, wait...don't answer that...I'm afraid to hear it. Thanks to Andrew and Ryan most of my questions are answered. More to come later on...

of Aunt Ruthies surgery. Let's pray it's the last of a long two years for her. . . . and yet today feels more normal then a day has felt in quite some time. I am well rested and have bridged some gaps between people that I was starting to build. Going to Camel Beach on Thursday! I was only there once, but had a heck of good time. This time there will be children involved which can only add to the fun of it.

Drank coffee at John's last night and went for drinks with him and Dehaut and Mark. GOT TO WATCH FOOTBALL. Would you believe I missed the very last minute of the damn game too, right when Da Bears went in for the win. I knew hopping of the bar stool last night at that last minute of the game could only mean that I would miss some thing such as that. I don't realize how much I enjoy the game until the off season. Not to say that I'll be glued to the t.v. for the entire new season but for a few choice games of course.

Well, time to be productive.

For an interesting read or two, I just finished the following books.

Judy Picoult: Second Glance (very good supernatural read, had me hooked from day one and for me to read a four hundred page novel in a week, you know it was good)

C.S. Lewis: The Great Divorce (spiritual; about a bus ride from Hell to Heaven, exremely symbolic with huge underlyling meaning, made me think)

R.J. loves me, he said so himself but a minute ago. Thanks R.J. I love you too and I hope that you know that.

Andrew gave me some good words last night. I asked him for his honest outside opinion and he gave it to me. He said I go through men like water, and he helped me figure out why. I have some more thinking to do on top of breathing and all that jazz.

We're going to the 7 tubs today, the actual state park, me and Rich and the boys and I'm looking forward to it. I've tried to be alone these past few weeks. I decided I like people too.

I f I could see one guy in one speedo by the end of the summer I will be a happy girl. Not that I actually find any single thing attractive about it, just for fun. Is there anyone out there willing to model it for me and maybe a handful of friends? Mel can I post your e mail address here for correspondence purposes? Hahaha.

So the Yurkin home has this real nice fish tank. It's big and it's always so clean. There is a fish in there...Oscar. He is a demon. I think he did some thing terrible in his past life and now he is cursed to be stuck as a fish in this life. He will eat anything alive you put in the tank. Last night he ate a frog. If you put bugs in or moths, he gobbles them right up. He follows you as you pass through the room and even rams himself into the glass of the tank when he is hungary. I am more afraid of this fish then any person in the world. It's an odd fear, but you'd have to meet this fish to know him. I'll take a picture and post it: www.picturethisplease.blogspot.com

Ahh, it's good to be loved.