We're all human

Here it comes. Egg my car, TP my house, I'll find it funny either way. My only request is if your going to burn dog poop on my front porch please use the existing poop in the walkway from the day. It'll save me from shovling it twice.

My friends band is rockin' at King's tonight and if I grow a sack between now and tonight I'll sing a few songs with them. Chances are I'll be using the excuse that I haven't had enough to drink yet and then when it's asked of me again, I'll be able to say that I drank too much. Wish me some balls here kids.

Had fun last night, went to Bone's and then to a friends house for some Malibu's. Thank Donna.

We'll be dressing up tonight, me and Mel, as conjoined twins. The two of us in one dress for the whole night..Who's going to throw the first punch? I'll put my money on Mel because I'm way more annoying then she could ever be.

Hopefully having a visitor tomorrow. I friend from afar that holds a very special place in my heart. I'll let you know how it goes. I hope everyone has a nice spook day. Until next time, brush after every meal.

I always loved the song, never knew why. Tonight on my ride home I hear it...no...I listened to it. Now I knew why it was loved.

You learn the most when you shut up, turn of the voices and listen. It comes so easily. Ever notice the most intellegent people usually observe.

It's almost Halloween. Have fun and get lots of Reese's Cups for me.

Wow. Every time I make a new friend, I piss an old one off. It's not doone consciously, but chicks are chicks. I like to tear it up, not every night, but every other. So, did. I tore it up last night. Ran into some folks I haven't seen in a long time and like I said made a few new friends. One of significance.

I never expected to meet so many people. I usual hide in the same bar on a nightly basis, only venturing out if it's something really interesting. Last night I had no excuse, just some freinds heading outside of the Bone yard. So I went. Damn glad I did, had a great time and hoping to recover in time to make it out tonight for open mic night. I'm already on the road to recovery......................

More later.

Forward...

This is good. Backwards is bad. Looking forward to Halloween. Me and Mel are putting together a costume, it'll be interesting. To say the very least, but I will leave it as a secret surprise for those who don't know yet. Last night we were on the hunt for a haunted house...and they were all closed. Come on, it's the week of Halloween and nothing...I was disappointed. There is always Friday. Today we're going to put together our costume and I am so excited, nothing like waiting until the last minute.

Mentally I don't have much to report. I'm before the point of losing it and beyond the point of caring. People get to me. I can't help it. You've got to be positive. There is nothing I hate worse than not feeling like myself and looking around for people to lift my spirits and all they can talk about it the negative things around them.

My advice may not be right to all, but I think it's good, so here it is. Make every situation good in company. Bring the down up and make the frowning smile. When you exude positive energy it does rub off on others. Miserable people bring other people down, happy people make others happy. I know we all have our days and things going on in our lives that it can't be sunshine and flowers all the time. But there is a time and place to share those things. I am guilty of being in a crowd of people having fun and having my own moments of unhappiness, but not often. Do your best to spread happiness and it will find you ten fold. It is the Devil who feeds off of the negative.

That's it. What do you think? Cheesy? Good. This is how I feel. People who know me know I like lost of cheese, every kind but American and maybe Goat cheese. Yummy, I'm thinking calzone for dinner. Cheese of course.

I'm feeling better today, yesterday and the day before I was letting stupid things bring me down, but I realize it was uncalled for. Tonight, will be fun. Promise, promise. Until then, I'm going to get the two year old away from the T.V. and tickle him till he turns blue. Bye kiddies.

I have to stop doing this to myself. Think, think and nowhere I get. I've been frustrating the hell out of myself. Getting the hell out is the good part, but I start to fall in this hole where I ignore everyone and hide at home. It's probably PMS. I pray, cause sometimes I can't stand me, but most times I love me. Do you guys love me? Then why do you let me do this to myself. Just punch me, that could be all I need. A good swift kick in the ass. Let me know if anyone will be available later on tonight. Sorry kids, nothing I care to report. Had a kick ass night last night with some friends and incredible music.

Interesting weekend. It's 2:36 a.m. as I write this and I'm sober. Ahh...accomplishments. I'm jotting these things down in a notebook to post tomorrow, Sunday.

Weekend highlights: Dehaut and John dancing together. Me and Mel tearin' it up Friday night, trampoline, SDP, and sleepin on the floor.

I can't help it folks, I'm feeling things but I believe I'm hiding it well.

Saturday started with Mel's pancakes then off road adventures, dinner, the Exorcist "The Begining" and Bone's for the last four songs of Peter Prince, and now home. Sober. Can't sleep yet.

Did I mention I caught some of my friends band practice Friday night. The KGB (nothing to do with the Russian Mafia) folkes. The tear it the f up. 'nough said. Some time soon I hope to share their full out rocking sound that is covering classic rock songs known and loved by all ingeniously with some of you readers in the near future. Good old rock, and they wondered why disco died.

Ahh...slumber is calling and I'm answering the phone (know that slumber beings with an hour of useless channel surfing to bore me into the mood).

My thought for the night..I can't handle every single thing, but I either try to or pretend that I can until I can. Coping is the reward because once you cope with something it's easier to handle it next time. I love you friends.

Why? I don't know. It just flew out of my friends mouth yesterday driving home from sweater shopping. Laughed my ass off.

Dehaut lost the war playing cards last night.

My belly hurts today, boo boo belly. Not from drinking because I really didn't. Maybe I should of.

Tonight is Dave's birthday bash at Bone's with Sting Ray. It'll be fun. Said he's bringing in a four piece so let us rock.

It has rained all week and it's getting to me. I'm dying for a good hike or any outdoor activity for that matter. Rain comes with the season and I'm not complaining because soon it will be snow and I'll be shivering in my layers of clothes waiting for Mel to pick me up to go sleigh riding. That's right we still sleigh ride and LOVE it. We find fun in any situation.

Now for something of more substance.

You would think that living back at home in all it's glory would give me a sense of stability. Well where the hell is it. Nothing is certain anymore. I always feel like I should be doing some thing more, but I don't. Guess I've grown lazy, as long as I don't get bitter. I've been out of the loop for so long that I'm not sure how to get out there as far as work goes. I've had more jobs under-the-table in the last few years then anything. I hate interviewing and all that jazz. Just let me fill out a form, shake my hand and give me the damn schedule. Is that too much to ask for?

I had a good converstation last night about the Presidential election. Normally I refuse to discuss such matters because everyone is oppinionated and it can get out of hand. Though this was a normal healthy conversation. I must admit the closer the election gets the more excited I get. I'm looking forward to what the future might hold for this great nation. My friend Jarrod has been in Iraq since Jan. or Feb.?? He's losing it. He's stressed and angry and hard to talk to. I'll pray for him. No matter what the issues are or what these canidates can do for our country it all comes down to one thing. War. What's going to happen after Nov.2??? I'm open for predictions.

That's what I got for today, sorry it's not all that amusing but like I said at the begining...boo boo belly. Hope it's all rainbows and flowers in your worlds today.

Now I'm mad. I had this whole thing typed out of how I avoid writing about my friends and their situations for fear of exploit and it's gone. It got lost in the lines of my computer and the server. Damn dial up to hell.

Anyway, I guess I offended some one. Well let me say this. I have given my picture blog address to people who want to see it. I haven't given my personal blog address to many people for fear of them seeing right into my wacky mind. So if your smart enough to view my profile then you can catch the link onto this page you are currently reading. If I didn't give you this address personally then there is a reason behind it. Some of you can't understand what I write and why I write it. It supposed to be funny and (i hope) interesting. If your not amused then don't read it.

I never put up personal information about my friends only little clues to how they may be that current day or how I'm feeling about them when I'm writing it. I found out today that the only person who I thought would be offended (lc) is not. So anyone esle who finds a problem, please let me know. Like I said, I do this for my own amusment. I like to write and analyze, it's almost a form a therapy for me.

So maybe I'm not sorry if I did offend anyone because I never intended it. Any persons who may be offended are simply reading too much into my words. I have twenty odd readers, some of you know each other and some of you don't know the other exists.

My suggestion, start your own blog, it's free and a whole lotta fun to go back and read some of the things you think and write about and wonder what the hell you were thinking by thinking and writing abou it.

Most of the words you find in my blog, if you really know me, you can here me thinking aloud as I am running through your yard bare foot with a beer in hand and pants pulled down to plumber crack position. Anything to make you all smile.

This being said, I guess I don't care who reads it, I just care that I don't hurt anyone in the process. There are many ways to tell me if I do. Speak it, e mail it, or comment on the bottom of each entry. Until then, smile and RELAX.

I woke today...
And felt your side of bed
The covers were still warm where you'd been layin'.
You were gone...
My heart was filled with dread.
You might not be sleepin' here again

[Chorus:]
It's alright, 'cause I love you.
And that's not gonna change.
Run me round, make me hurt again and again.
But I'll still sing you love songs

Written in the letters of your name.
And brave the storm to come,
For it surely looks like rain.
Did you ever waken to the sound
Of street cats makin' love
And guess from their cries
You were listenin' to a fight?
Well, you know...Hate's just the last thing they're thinkin' of.
They're only trying to make it through the night.
[Chorus:]

I only want to hold you.
I don't want to tie you down.
Or fence you in the linesm
I might have drawn.It's just that
I've gotten used toHavin' you around.
My landscape would be emptyIf you were gone.
[Rain, rain, go away...]

He's two. Two years old and a half. He draws circles all day long, loves them. I've treid to get him into squares but he's not having it. So circles it is.

Happy things are in the shape of circles....Smiley faces and the sun and moon, flowers are circular. So, it's a good thing.

Now try and take the meaning of the circle of life and put it in a child's brain. Converstation goes as follows...."You see trevor, your born, you live your life, you die and so the circle continues." Trevor looks up and smiles and says really happily, "Circles!"

Ah the mind of a child, wonderful and precious. Last night I had the night of pure fun, playing hide and go seek with my friend Serenity...she's going to be five on Nov. 3. It was me and her mom and dad and George. Good times until I slammed my hand in the closet door trying to hide without assistance. It doesn't take much to make my day. Same goes for a child.

As for everything else I will save that to record later when I have more time to concentrate. For now me and Trevor are going to draw circles till our hands fall off. Peace.

Sing for absolution
I will be singing
And falling from grace

I won't remain unrectified
And our souls won't be exhumed

I'm telling you people, this man can sign like no other, it's utterly breathtaking.

I spent the weekend doing just that. Relaxing and looking around my world. Had a great dinner with friends, quaility time with neighbors, a ride and a fire in the woods and a lot of peace and quiet. Tonight I'm going out indefinatley.

I thought I'd enjoy all this freedom, but it's starting to get to me. I like to do things for people that will show them that I care. If not for a lover then a friend. All the friends I have that are involoved are unhappy. Answer me this people. If your with someone who is not making you happy and things are progressively getting worse...END IT. It's so simple. Trust me, I know that when something you thought was forever ends, you may think it's the end of the world. I guarantee in a week that you will feel differently. So many ponds, so many fish. The only accessory you will need is a little confidence.

I went back in time this weekend, digging through old photo albums. So much has changed and I've come to love so many people. I had to look at some rough ones and wonder if I had made mistakes. Well here is what I have come up with. No matter what you cant regret. Things happen for a reason and I'm a firm believer that what's meant to be will be without your conscious effort.

I'll end the rambling on one thing that I know for sure, I love Carbohydrates so you Atkins freaks can go pound sand.

I'll try not to go off on a tangent here.

Last night rocked, good music, good friends. Today I am helping my friend Dave put the finishing touches on his CJ-5. She's got a brand new engine and lift kit, tires, the works. Just needs a wash and wax and she'll be ready.

Tonight I am making stuffed shells at John's house with Dave, Kelly, and Johns of course. Tonight is the bar for some tunes and beers.

Tomorrow I don't even know, I made plans all over God's creation. I did make plans with Nicole to go to King's on Sat. Her boyfriend will be drumming for the band "Bone Jak" that is playing there that night. Now she just turned 21 and isn't quite in the mix yet so she asked to go with me. She's a real nice girl and now I have some one to dance with!

I know Sunday for sure....Vinny, myself, Mel, and ?? are going to the Poconos. There are "haunted hosues" all over up there. My dad has a book that maps out all of the Poconos to there legends. A lot of these places will let you tour for free so this should be a fun thing to do in the midst of October.

George also came in last night after his own band practice. I'm a jerk sometimes. It's all good now. I just started thinking like a girl and I've got to stop doing that. yuck. Had a great time though. :)

You never feel truly loved until your invited to. You cannot truly love unless the other is in the same mind frame. Then most of us just position it where we want it. So it ends and the next cycle begins. My newest lesson; real love may be at a glance but it does take time and effort to make it everlasting. I've had that love and put more years into it then desire to admit. Still it's time that will tell. More challenges I put on myself.

There is a boy in my life that is like no other in existance.
He is the most faithful being I know.
When I leave home without him, he waits patiently, never asking where I have been or who I was with. He never gets mad when I'm late or don't come home at all. When I return home he is always happy and can't wait to see me. He greets me with such excitement that it makes me happy to be alive.
There are times that I break down, cry and complain and he never says a word, doesn't have to. He sits quietly next to me and offers his back as a place to shed my tears. I love him for that.
I love that he can just sit with me and watch t.v. He never cares what's on just that I'm there with him to share it.
Anytime I want to take a walk in the woods or even just around the block he always joins me with joy. It takes so little to please him. A little affection, and some time is all he requests.
He never yells at me or corrects my grammer. He never tells me that my outfit is horrible and he loves when I play the guitar and sing. The only complaint that I have for him is to stop drinking out of the toliet.
This great boy is my dog Buddy. I don't know what I would do without him. Thanks Buddy.

An excerpt from an amazing band named muse:

Change everything you are
And everything you were
Your number has been called
Fights and battles have begun
Revenge will surely come
Your hard times are ahead

Best, you've got to be the best
You've got to change the world
And use this chance to be heard
Your time is now
Don't let yourself down
And don't let yourself go
Your last chance has arrived

If you like Radiohead or Gomez or anything of the sort then you should check them out: http://www.alwaysontherun.net/muse.htm#a10

So this is my day, I am working. Not for too long. Me and Kelly made dinner at John's house last night and just kind of chilled out. It's quiet today. I'm looking forward to being done here so I can get out in the world and do something. Kelly mentioned a walk and God knows that I am always up for that. This Weeks is going to be slow. Trying not to drink until Thursday. Me and my pathetic challenge.

It's time for the little one's nap and then I shall return with something of more substance.

Rain:
http://www-2.cs.cmu.edu/afs/cs.cmu.edu/user/mleone/web/gdead/dead-lyrics/Rain.txt

Here I am, on the lam ready to go
Brighter days have hurried me along, nobody's wrong
Love stays the same a heart's not to blame nothing is over
Now it don't worry me at all there's just got to be
Some kind of overflow nobody falls

People, we cry, when wells go dry it threatens tomorrow
Try and find some ways to ease the fright burn into the night
But maybe a little rain would soothe the pain and drown our sorrows
And looking straight at all that lives again
Until we get our fill of overflows, nobody knows

In search of love, the seasons above have taken to wander
Unlike the ones we used to know, where did they go?
Well, here I am, on the lam, low overflow
Brighter days have hurried me along
To see the rain come shinning through, nobody's blue

Oh seagull, tis an hour of plight
Energy from your wing helps bring the rain
Call on your brotherhood of flight and let it rain all nights
Oh sky lookin clear and bright, Moon, with your own true light
Turn the tides and rain all night, Turn the tides and rain all night.

And it ended like this:

time is never time at all
you can never ever leave
without leaving a piece of youth
and our lives are forever changed
we will never be the same
the more you change the less you feel
believe, believe in me, believe
that life can change, that you're not stuck in vain
we're not the same, we're different tonight tonight,
so bright tonight
and you know you're never sure
but you're sure you could be right
if you held yourself up to the light
and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
the place where you were born
believe, believe in me,
believe in the resolute urgency of now
and if you believe there's not a chance tonight tonight,
so bright tonight we'll crucify the insincere tonight
we'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight
we'll find a way to offer up the night tonight
the indescribable moments of your life tonight
the impossible is possible tonight
believe in me as i believe in you, tonight

So true. For the one who understands what I mean, I am sorry that I didn't have faith in you. Thank you for pulling through for me. My love is yours.

I wrote this last night while sitting in the background of my friends band practice:

Sharing minor details of what things really feel like inside my soul. I don't share much with my every day crowd for fear of them seeing a weak side. Indeed I have one, more vast then will ever be known or shown.

I've hurt and my turn is coming to be hurt. Karma's a bitch.

So much fun all day, all night. I make it that way. It's good. Deep down there are the things I run from: Stability. Don't know if I'll ever let myself be. It's that, time goes by with better memories to recall when your always bouncing. When you stand still, it's the same scenery. Monotony despises me.

I'm sure I will return the favor to all the friends that I listen to whine over ridiculous shit, but for now the office door is closed and I'm taking a vacation from your crying. I need to.

I'm never depressed, maybe it's the change in the air reminding me that snow will be putting it's cold blanket over my fun.I'm not depressed per say but I see it's shady miserable face peaking around the corner at me. Waiting for me to forget so it can creep up on me and strike me down. I will be relentless, as much as possible.

Friends, you can always find me smiling when you need it. I ask in return, your ear when I need it. NOT your words, they do not comfort me. Just listen and nod at the appropriate places and leave it at that. That alone is all it takes to pull me from the ditch unharmed.

What a weekend. I traveled mostly alone and enjoyed it. Got to appreciate being single for the time being. I don't have it much and have forgotten how peaceful it can be. I have my eye on some one's heart. Not sure if he'd ever felt he same. So it's day by day. Some thing will break and I wont allow it to be me.

peace all...say a prayer for Superman tonight.

The ex finally spoke to me last night, thank God, hard parts over. That's all I wanted. Today is a friends birthday and he does not care. He is down and all I want to do is help bring him up. I know I am no miracle worker but I'd like to think that I know how to jump start some one's positive side. If he calls off work then we're going fishing. I haven't fished since hmm...July?? I love it so I'd be happy if I got the opportunity.

My hike yesterday rocked! Three hours on foot...discovering. I needed it. Just to breath alone is good. Especially for three hours.

Here's the stats; George-slow but real, other prospects are questionable. Kelly is happy, Mel is in between, Fruit seems miserable, John is ecstatic. I am feeling the need for a late lunch. The kiddies are happy, Rich is up in the air and my dog Buddy is the coolest guy in the world.

There is a lot going on this weekend but I am looking forward to Sunday the most. We are going on the Lackawanna Coal Mine Tour: http://www.nvds.com/coalmine.htm

I haven't been there since grade school, I am fascinated. Any friends who catch this and are interested, just let me know. $6 adults.

I won't be blogging this weekend unless some thing particular occurs. So have fun, be safe, eat, drink, and be merry!!

I was out late, stayed at a friends house with a bunch of friends. Had a good time strummin my strings and singin my songs. Slept about three hours, got up at seven had coffee and breakfast, went home, and Rich called to tell me that he's taking the day off if I'm cool with it. I would of made it to work and all, I was awake and conscious, just tired. So now I've got a bunch accomplished, including rest and it's off to the woods for me.

Got a flat tire. Went for a ride to the top of the mnt. yesterday. damn it. I especially feel bad cause I'm trading my tires this weekend with Vinny for a set of thirty threes and hopefully my original Jeep wheels which have never actually been on my Jeep. Pictures to come after the swap.

You can view some silly pics at www.picturethisplease.blogspot.com; these are from events of god knows what. This is only temporary until I can get something better going. I need one of them there credit card to get some thing really cool. So if anyone wants to spare me endless hours of searching for a free photo gallery, please send me a link.

It's a beautiful day, I'm singing off and going outside. Peace.

and I just got home...long story...tell you later. I gotta go catch a shower before work so see you later!!

Not much goes on Wed. For the last few weeks we've been going to Leary's, a nice spot over in Kingston. Tonight, I think I may chill. Getting myself geared up now for a good walk through the woods and perhaps dinner with friends afterwards.

I only want it to slow down long enough for me to breath in your exhale. Not too much to ask for, and I will seek it out tomorrow night.

It's about time for me to plug some links here: I'll post a new one every few days.

www.14miledrive.com This is my friends band, they are local and play only originals, so listened to a few of there songs on to he sight, my favorite is called windows.

I'll be more inspired tomorrow with words. I plan on spending a good two hours of my evening playing my guitar. So with sore fingers and lyrics in my mind..I shall return tomorrow.

I don't need it, I don't need proof of God or Aliens or ghosts or love because I know it's there. The universe is so vast, who is to say what does and does not exist. I believe. How much of myself could I share?? How about all of it.

Some of my readers have requested to learn more about "me".....hmm....

In the rare moments that I sit in a crowd and am quiet, I am actually conspiring..trying to find the most ridiculous thing I can do to make everyone laugh. Especially for the other ten people in the crowd who are sitting quietly because they are uncomfortable. When every one laughs that feeling dissipates.

I am not lazy, although I do procrastinate all of the important things in my world, like car insurance and health benefits. I always have to be doing some thing. Call it ADD, but it's part of me.

I love pasta and I make a hell of an alfredo sauce.

I weigh in at about 110-112, but I want to be smaller, just in one area, a little pouch on my belly, it's actually kind of cute, but I like to be flat. I have small boobs 34B. I don't like surgery, so looks like I'm livin with what the good lord gave me.

The only time I really can put things into perspective is when I'm on foot in the woods. That is where I do my best thinking. I've written so many things just sitting next to the ponds that as time allows I will share here in this blog.

I hate when people snore or grind their teeth. I hate constant sniffling (blow your god damn nose). I dislike cooked veggies, give them to me raw and bad breath.

I love my friends, Kelly, Melany, Vinny, Rich, Dave and Dave and yet another friend named Dave, Tiffany, John, George, Alan, Jack, Jimmy, Larry (if he ever actually decides to be my friend again) and others that I don't want to forget aside from the tens of twenties of casual friends that I have in addition to the named above.

It's so good to be able to open up to them again. Some did think I was going to go crazy but I fixed it. Ahh, what more do you really need to know aside from what is already in my profile. What you read is what you get. I'm a lot of fun. I know this or I wouldn't have as many friends as I did.

I want to connect with so many people. I'm a mind slut. Sickening as it sounds as I write this I can't help but glance out the window every few minutes to see the two Golden Retrievers gettin on and making puppies, ah life is good.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Last night I looked into your eyes, and really looked. It was almost scary because there you were, all of you. The exact person I knew you were. You had nothing to hide. I did. I had to hide my fear from you, knowing that this could be as good as it is now only better with time. Time is something we can only measure in terms of what we had yesterday and in history. I can't predict my time from this moment forward. I want so much of it. So very much ot it. Gotta enjoy the present because no one knows.

I can't believe all the things I did this weekend and I'm still ticking. Friday night was mountain jam and the sound was off when they all played together but a few stragglers jammin was quite nice. The drinks were good and the company was even better. The pics are on my home comp. so I'll share later. We stayed up till the sun was back in our presence...then crashed in the tent till early afternoon. Wheeled my way outta the woods back to home and called up some friends who came up to my parents house and we giggled around all day. Being silly rocks. Got my registration settled and inspection will come this week via my wonderful brother.

My jeep is illegal...Extremely, but he's going to work it out for me so I can be the happy Jeepin girl again. Won't be ready for about a week, but, I'll drive it at night and my friends all offered to cart me around which is fun too. It's nice to enjoy the scenery.

Saturday night we all went to the Bone Yard for Stoney Creek and they tore it up as usual. It's nice to have friends who appreciate good music. After the bar we all went up to Jimmy's for a late night rendevous, man o man. Another night that I didn't make it home until six a.m. So worth it so worth it so damn worth it.

Yesterday was Steamtown. Some Railroad history and a train ride. (Got a little nauseous) Enjoyed it. We checked out a huge hole that opened up the grounds in Scranton after the strike of Great Ivan. Wow.

and then it came over me again....

That silly way I act just to make others laugh. I live for it, I love being silly. It reminds me of my purpose in this world. I giggled my way through the rest of the evening and then checked out my friends band practice. These guys rock, and get better everyday. Soon they'll be rocking every bar in the valley and beyond.

So today, I work....almost done though and waking up sober is fun too. My friend Rich and I have a walk planned for later and then I'm going to catch up with Kelly. She just started a new job and had to work all damn weekend, so tonight she wants to go out. I'm going to try to get my new found friend Shane out with us for some fun. He was jammin with me in the woods on Friday. great voice and amazing song knowledge.

As for George, one step at a time....I know not to jump into shit. So slow goes the ride for me but it's such a pleasant one.

I'm know my blog has become a lot of surface rambling lately, but I think it's because I don't have any drama to bring me down and make me think too much. I'll add more inspiring things as they come. I've been writing in a separate blog as well and digs really deep into how my mind works, I'm just not ready to share it with the friends that I allow to read my blog. No offense people.

I do wish to add one thing. The EX and my friend...the ones seeing each other are doing really good. Which makes me happy that I don't have to feel bad for not feeling bad about the fall of our relationship. He doesn't have the nerve to say hello to me. He was out on Saturday as well and I tried to say hello and be cordial and the response was amusing. Thirty years old going on seven. I don't get it. If your happy then be that. Don't hold a grudge. There is no need. Then he's got my current pulled off to the side forever in conversation. My current gave me the scoop but by God, cut the crap. Don't screw up another good girl. Enjoy her and keep her laughing. chicks love that.

Morenexttimeonchannelamanda.

Spent Sunday at Steamtown. Went on a train ride and checked out some really interesting bits of history...thanks Tiffie and Vinny!! 

Alas, hello. I'm happy for my ex and my friend. They are happy together and I am happy, yet I do have a complaint. I knew she was a big enough person to come talk to me about it and as soon as she started to speak..I told her there was no need, that I knew and I was cool with it. I am disheveled because I knew he wouldn't have to sack to say something to me himself. It's alright, it just proves my moves in the last few months. She is one of the damn coolest chicks I know and I told her last weekend that if I was a dude I'd ask her to be my gal. Now I don't have to worry about George and peoples words.

So we're jammin in the woods tonight. I've gotta grab my tent, my boy, some friends and my guitar. I talked to my friend Greg about jammin with him tonight on a few songs and he's for it. We're going to try and catch up before he goes to work tonight and run through it. I admire this guys talent more than anyone. He plays guitar and sings and it's quite incredible, he doesn't just go throughout the motions, there is a unique passion behind it. I always hit the pause button on my brain when he's playing and enjoy. Thanks Greg.

As for the rest of my world today it's coffee and my friends kids. Gonna catch a hike later before I set up my home in my tent for the night. I'll be sure to take pictures and share.

Now for something a little deeper. I had a dream last weekend I want to share. Here goes: I was pregnant and had gained no weight so you could see the perfect shape of the child inside me. It wanted to be born and it was two months early (not sure how I knew this but I did), and I tried to hold it in (as sick as it sound) but it came out all by itself. The cord was attached from it's stomach into my womb so the little guy hops out and bites the cord in half and starts running around.

It was quite sick yet amusing. Here is my take on it: It could be that I felt as if I was caring for a child in my last relationship cause things got a little extreme when he drank. Maybe when I finally realized that I couldn't stay with him I let it go without consciously trying to (the baby coming out by itself) The two months could be significant as to how long we were together before we got engaged. Two months too early. Then the baby cutting the cord was the release of feeling trapped. I'm not sure if anyone who reads this will make sense of it, but that is what I get from it. Weird.

This weekend I'm going to be as physical as possible, hiking and what not. I'm going to try and get my friend and his wife to come down from NY. That will be a good time but I fear the notice is too short. It's time to talk more for me as well, I am usually very friendly and intimate in conversations with the people I know. I lost that a few months back and it's time to seek it out. Progress, forward motion only. Hope your weekend rocks too.

Alas the crossroads....