We're all human

Sometimes I know you must wonder what the hell I am talking about. No need to fear though, cause most of the time I am clueless myself.

I have to get back to that whole I don't give a damn what anybody else thinks about the decisions I make. That would be I lie because I do care but nine times out of ten it doesn't change a thing in my mind. It's different when we are speaking of politics or religion but when your talking about me and my life, good luck. It's all a lesson. Every move we make and every person we meet, we learn from. I have had the fortune of being in lots of mixed up situations that I have learned from. A lot of people think one should be careful with their feelings, but not me so much. I think it's more respectable to be careful with others feelings. When you get hurt, you know how to make things right with yourself again, even if it takes a long time. But when you hurt some one else you have to carry that with you, and every time you see them again or hear their name a piece of your heart will sink.

So to all those out there that are in a relationship for no good reason other then company be careful of how deeply they may feel for you, you may not know it, but things can go deeper then ever said aloud. In the end you can really hurt some one. In the long run it will affect every future relationship that person has and may make them view the opposite sex (or same if your into that sort of thing) in the wrong light.

Sadly I have almost always been the one to hurt the significant others that have popped into my life. I didn't realize it until today, but I walk around pretending that all those ex's are still my friends but honestly few are. I am sorry for this, but if your friends before love chances are you'll be friends when the feelings of love long dissipate.

I don't want to hurt anyone. There is nothing quite like that feeling when your other looks into your eyes and you can feel the love from them for you emanate. I don't think it is possible to fall in love unless the other is falling as well. It's gotta be an equal fall. Otherwise I think it's more like an infatuation not just of that other person but of what you really want in a relationship. If you truly are in love with some one who doesn't share the same feelings and you still try then that is not love. If your love is true either they would feel it too or you would love enough to let them go off and be happy elsewhere in the world.

It's been a while since I wrote about some thing other then my daily battles with myself or with my love. I just thought I'd share some of what I think about when I don't have much to think about.

I fell asleep reading a great story last night and awoke with a smile on my face, even my dog wondered what was up when I rolled over and gave him a good morning smile. I hope this weekend is just crazy enough to amuse me but not too crazy that I will sleep the days away recovering.

Jarrad's official return from Iraq is tomorrow. I can't wait to see the troops driving over the Market Street Bridge. It's all very nostalgic to me and I can let a piece of me be at peace. Kelly can finally go and live her life and hopefully find some more positive things in this world. I'm sorry Kelly you know I love you but a lot of times you just see the bad things in the world. I know we can't be a ray of sunshine all the time, but you have a large ray and you need to shine it more. Thank you for letting me be your shoulder this past year while your husband was in Iraq. You are my best friend and I want to see you eternally happy. Live for tomorrow, fuck the past.

Until next time folks.